Category: Offensive 3 In the Key

Offensive 3 in The Key #3

Welcome to the 3rd edition of “Offensive 3 in the Key.” If you are unaware by now, you are not in the know. What we do here on a weekly basis is try to update you guys on the stupidity and straight up non-sense that goes on in the NBAuniverse.

Without further ado, LETS GO!

#1 JOHNson 
Candidate: Amir Johnson

So news basically came out today saying that there were a number of NBA stars following Porn Stars on twitter. I honestly can’t think of a good reason to follow a porn star unless you’re hoping they might post a revealing photo and or video. Twitter? Really? Sickos! The award for our number one spot goes to Amir Johnson for following a grand total of 15 porn stars. Epic.

@Via Buzzfeed

#2 heeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy 😉
Candidate: Chris Bosh

Chris Bosh gets questioned about his sexual orientation entirely way too much. Give him a break, he’s got an illegitimate child or something for frig’s sake. The lady he had the kid with is even asking for 30,000$ a month, but that’s a different story for a different time. This face is priceless. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy!

#3 Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers
Candidate: Chris Kaman

It appears that Chris Kaman is making a regular appearance on our Offensive 3 in The Key. Thank god for his willingness to share funky pictures on twitter. Here we have him drinking some “Vlasic” pickle juice. If you know me, you know I love me some pickles, but I don’t think I would be able to stomach that stuff. High blood pressure, here we come! I actually did some research while writing this article and found that pickle juice is actually not as bad as one might think. In fact, its actually got some nutritious benefits that put sports drinks like Powerade and Gatorade and even Hateorade to shame. Barring having high blood pressure, drinking this stuff can help energize you and even settle an upset stomach. Remember that next time you work out.


Offensive 3 in The Key #2

Welcome to the second edition of “Offensive 3 in the Key.” If you don’t know by now, this is a recap on the 3 dumbest plays from around the NBA universe.

This week we have…

#1 Big Baby
Candidate: D-Wade

At no point in your life, let alone your basketball career should you be on the floor crying about a call. You’re a grown ass man for fucks sake. I really don’t care what the circumstance is. Get your ass off the floor and play some basketball. Really. REALLY.

Candidate: Pierre McGee (Javale McGee)

Is this a serious question? Refer back to this.

Candidate: Chris Kaman

Anyone remember what happened to Plaxico Burress? I hope the gun isn’t loaded for his sake. And maybe you should put the gun down and start practicing your jump shot instead.

Honorable Mentions
Nominee: Jordan Crawford

Jordan Crawford apparently trying to take the smell out of his shoes? I’m not really sure what else his shoes would be doing in the fridge. I guess he didn’t get the memo. Its the freezer, not the fridge. Y’jackass!

Offensive 3 In the Key…

Welcome to the first edition of “Offensive 3 in the Key.” What happens here is a highlight reel on the 3 dumbest plays from around the NBA universe.

1. The *@&# I Give
Candidate: DeMarcus Cousins

No filter on or off the court. Oh right, the back story. Here is Cousins congratulating his boy Jimmer on his wedding day and what appears to be his innuendo of wedding night sex. For that, you deserve to be on the list.

2. I ❤ SA
Candidate: DeJuan Blair

I ❤ San Antonio

Not sure what to say about or how to determine the sheer awesomeness of this photo. What’s more outrageous, his love for San Antonio, or how ridiculous the glasses look. Outstanding.

3. Forgetting World Peace
Candidate: Ron Artest…errrr…Metta World Peace

Forgetting your own name?  Forgetting your own ridiculous name?!?!

Honorable Mentions
Nominee: Gilbert Arenas

Agent 0 dropping a deuce in what appears to be a department store of some kind.
What a rascal.